Laundry! Yippee!

Winter can be beautiful, muddy, dangerous, breathtaking and of course endless.   We are in the endless stage and it has been, as you might have guessed, going on for ever. We ran out of clean clothes at Christmas or Thanksgiving or one of those holidays. Not to worry, we were pretty sure that we would muster enough discipline to get a few loads of laundry out after a suitable period of recovery. Well, we went into a cold spell that lasted three weeks.  Having a homestead is pleasant duty most times but when the thermometer goes below zero and stays there for extended periods, you just keep beating the ice out of buckets and adding hot water to warm up your animals, all day. Occasionally, you get to spend a few invigorating hours facing backwards in your tractor blowing snow.  For variety there is the random tree limb buried in the snow that breaks the shear pins in the snow blower and changes the job from being boring and cold to exciting and brutally cold with the wind blowing a thousand miles an hour while you race the stiffness in your fingers to see if you can get the new shear pin in before you succumb to the elements. During the day, it is less challenging because you can see what you are doing.  Night time snow blowing is the most exciting.  Why not wait till morning you ask?  Well, sometimes it is snowing so hard that if you wait till morning you have to keep taking the tractor out of gear to let the snow blower catch up.  This happens around a fifteen inches of wet heavy snow.  It is easier on your equipment to do it a couple of times instead of one big pass at the end. 
The other reason to do it at night or before first light in the morning is to beat the neighbor to the punch so to speak.  We have a good sized driveway and a half mile road till we get to the first neighbor.  He has one of those places that is always neat, a picture of well cared for buildings.  We tell people how to get to our farm by these directions:" turn onto Jellison ridge, near the end of the pavement you will come to a beautiful farm on your right--drive right by that's not us.  The pavement ends, most times of the year the road is such that you will develop an uneasy feeling, keep going.  Just as you are deciding that you are going to turn around the first chance you get, you will come to a place where you think, "boy I sure am glad I don't live next to these people," turn right in, you have arrived. "  Anyway, because of the neighbors disgustingly neat farm, I find it strangely satisfying to beat him to getting my half mile of road cleaned up while he is still in bed.  The tractor with the snow blower clattering is deafening and I imagine to myself that his eyes pop open and his first thought of the day is "crap, he beat me again."  This is probably my imagination working overtime, but still it is quite satisfying for some reason.

Anyway, the goats started kidding and the farm kept us distracted enough that the laundry was not just put on the back burner, it left the stove entirely.  Eventually it became a serious issue and almost impossible to ignore.  Still we found excuses.  Finally the weather broke and it appeared we would be able to hang out laundry on the line and we could avoid the Laundromat.  Just as I was about to suggest to Kris she should fill the washer and do a couple of loads, the last blizzard saved her.  Well a few days of clean up and the snow blowing was done.  Kris was still shoveling out the rest.  I was exhausted and sat in my chair with my feet up waiting for her to finish.  She makes such a big deal out of shoveling the chicken coop, the rabbit area, the path to the other chicken coop, the gates and doorways to the barns, the generator, the path to the wood shed and a few other little areas, that I like to stay out of her way while she is at it. 
By and by she comes in and plops down in her chair.  Her cheeks are flushed and her hair is poking out of her hat here and there before she pulls it off and unbuttons her coat. She sits silently and glares at me a while.  Seems like she's miffed about something.  Can't think what it might be so I suggest breakfast would taste mighty nice since I have been up plowing since four.  Her glare intensifies and I look away first and get up to make breakfast and without broaching the subject of laundry.  I find it healthier to avoid subjects that are likely to cause violent negative emotions once Kris reaches the testy stage.  I decide to wait a day to mention  laundry and the rest of the day was spent peacefully, a bit quiet, but peaceful.
Next day after chores I remember the laundry and mention it might be a good day to do laundry.  Surprisingly Kris agrees eagerly, almost happily.  Right then I should have been suspicious, but I am a trusting soul.  "Oh I have to sub at Christy's Day Care while Christy runs off on an errand.  "What about laundry?". 
"Don't worry, I'll be done at 1:30 and we'll take off from there, just load up everything and pick me up on the way." 
It didn't occur to me until I had dropped Kris off, that it meant I would be going through the laundry and sorting it by myself and loading everything in bags and hauling it out to the truck.  Well at least I would have company at the Laundromat.  Misery loves company.
I started sorting a 10:30.  At 1:00 I was still sorting and bagging.  I had found $14 dollars and put it in my wallet.  Compensation for getting "left" I reasoned.  There were still more clothes to sort and bag so I hurried and at 1:25 I was loading detergent, bleach, hangers and stuffing the laundry together in the backseat of the pickup to get the doors closed.  I jumped in and pulled into Christy's drive way at 1:30 exactly, turned off the key and waited.  I know they saw me pull in, but women being women and me being a man we both know our places.  I am to wait patiently and she will come out when she get's good and ready. Tossing caution to the wind, I jumped out and went up to the door and knocked "quietly".  The daycare kids would be taking their naps and waking one of the little angels would bring two very unhappy women to the door instead of one. No answer.  I slipped inside quietly and peaked around the mudroom door.  They were chatting quietly.  Kris looked over and gave me a smile- the one that freezes ice cubes and in this case indicated she would be out to deal with me shortly.  I went outside again and waited.  Before long she came out and jumped in the truck and off we went. 
I figured we were in for a long glum ride to the Laundromat while the reality of doing laundry set in, instead, Kris chatted gaily like we were off to a fun day at the beach.  She had me park in the fire lane next to the sign that clearly says no parking and lists all the possibilities that would happen if you decided to ignore the sign.  I stop the truck trying figure how much time I had before all the things on the sign would happen.  I began furiously unloading bags of dirty laundry trying to beat the tow truck, fines and jail time.  Kris carried in the laundry detergent and bleach while I unload 15 black garbage bags of laundry.  Then she smiled and said"how much cash do you have?  I could see my new found wealth was about to evaporate.  "Well I had three dollars and I found fourteen in my pants when I went through them."
She handed me a bunch of ones and her smile got brighter.  "Here, that should do it.  I have to go to the bank and out to Walmart to get pictures developed for Ma.  I'll be back shortly. Before I can say anything she is out the door and the truck is pulling away.  I look over at the Laundromat clerk and she is snickering about something.  She looks down quickly at her book with renewed interest.  I survey the rest of the Laundromat and find it deserted.  Just me and the laundry.  Well, I suppose I have been tricked worse before but it sure feels like I just fell off the turnip truck.  Time begins to slow down.  The change machine spits money out grudgingly, working with some dollars but not others. The spring is gone from my step and the colors are slowly fading to black and white.
By the time I get all the laundry in the first machine is stopping.  I begin moving laundry to the dryers. One after another the washers stop.  It is endless.  By the time I get to the last washer the first dryer has stopped.  I begin folding. I fold for hours.  Finally with the end in sight and an aching back from standing on the concrete floor.  The doors swing open and in walks Kris. 
"Hi," she chirps cheerfully, I didn't think I would be gone so long.  She sees the blank Laundromat stare in my eyes.  "Hey maybe I should go get us a milk shake at Guv's.  What kind do you want, chocolate?"
"Sure", I mumbled. And just like that she was gone again.  I finished folding the clothes and looked out the window at Guv's.  No red truck in the parking lot. I began to load up the clothes into bags--no Kris.  Hmmm, if she bought me a milk shake back when she left, it would be melted now. I began to suspect I had been abandoned, left on the Laundromat door step. Well, nothing to do but watch As the World Turns on the TV.  I hadn't seen an episode for 60 years so it was easy to pick up the story line since it moves just a little slower than that.  Finally Kris comes in. 
"Where's the milk shake? I asked.  "Oh, I got way laid and never made it to Gov's."  I looked across the parking lot at Gov's-- a 150yards maybe to their back door.
"Well, lets load up" and she grabs the laundry detergent and the bleach and heads for the truck which is parked next to the no parking sign again.  I load the laundry bags and get in the truck.
"Well," she says, "I sure am glad we got that done!"