Christmas Musings

Three days before Christmas we were on a relaxed course to getting all the presents we were building or just wrapping complete. We would easily be done before Christmas Eve and spend the day dropping off cookies and wishing friends merry Christmas. It was almost like I envisioned retirement might be.
Well, perhaps counting my chickens before they hatched caused me to get a pain in my lower abdomen- sharp pain.
If a pain comes and goes well, se la vie. Hardly a second thought is given. If a sharp pain comes and stays in a vital area like your abdomem, well, thats a little different. I considered the possibilities and decided it was food related. I was pretty sure it was the 38 cent/lb Walmart turkey. I had inhaled a leg as soon as it came out of the oven the day before and now that I thought about it, hadn't felt quite right since. So, I waited for nausea and diarea. Nothing, just a persistent, now really sharp pain my the abdomen and a brand new deveopment-fever.
Great, I am having an appendicitis attack. I'll be in the hospital Christmas. I get on the internet and check out abdominal pain.
Abdomial pain is like real estate: LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION. Your appendix is on the right. My pain was on the left. I wasn't ready to give up on the appendix idea and wondered if I was just left handed inside?
Well, what's on the lower right side. Turns out your colin pretty much. Back to food poisoning or maybe I ate one of those tendons in the turkey leg and it is lodged in my colin and poking my intestine. The intestinal puncture is allowing fluid into my body cavity must be causing my fever.

I spent a feverish night with my imagination. Do they cut you open or use a pre-existing opening. I wasn't too hot for either choice. I could imagine Dr. Nightengale coming into my hospital room and telling me that I had a tare in my colin and I was full of shit. Even in my hospital gown near death I would smile weakly and look at Kris and say "well you've been right all along."
The next morning I took two aspirin and drank coffee, but didn't eat breakfast. I figured I was going to surgery- clear liquids only. I felt better and then worse all day.
Hannah called or I called her about Christmas. I told her I was not feeling well and had abdominal pain. She asked if I had called the doctor. "Why would I do that?"
She was not too thrilled with her father. "Call the doctor." I assured her I would if the mild case of food poisoning didn't get better by this afternoon.

Kris went up to the daycare Christmas party that morning while I stayed home going over who would get what, if my impending surgery didn't go well. You hear a lot of stories about people who go in for simple surgeries and get an infection and never come out of the hospital. "The operation to remove the wart went well but there were complications after the surgery, a nasty little infection and we couldn't save him."

After Kris got home I called the doctors office. I was hoping she would make the call. I felt kind of dumb doing it. I didn't want to have to tell someone over the phone that I have abdominal pain and if they were'nt too busy this afternonn maybe I could come in and the doctor could keep me from dying. Yes, I understood that tomorrow was Christmas eve and I was asking alot and I should have made an appointment a couple of weeks ago.

The actual call went alot better than I thought. The usually surly receptionist was remarkably simpathetic. I wouldn't be able to see Dr. Nightengale, but I would be able to get into see Shannon at 4:00PM. I said Shanon would do.

I hung up and pondered this new developement. If Shanon were a doctor, the receptionist would have said doctor Shanon. Shanon was a girls name. I had already resigned myself to Dr. Nightengale using the scope to look around inside and see what was going on. (He is big on the scope. Every physical he tries to sell me on it.
"This is what it looks like, see? I do the procedure right here."
Well, that's a big selling point.
"I'll be honest with you, it is a little uncomfortable.")
I'll just bet it is since it is four feet long and as big as my wrist.

Now some girl named Shanon (no-one over forty is named Shanon) was going "look into" my abdominal pain. I could hardly wait for 4:00PM.

Kris drove me to the doctors office and accompanied me to the examination room. I could tell she didn't want to miss this. The nurse came in, took my temperature and blood pressure then handed me a gown. "Put this on and Shannon will be into see you." She smiled and left. She was enjoying this too.

I put on the gown and sat exposed on the exam table. A knock at the door and Shanon came in. She asked me to describe my pain which I did. I waited for her drag out "the scope" and tell me to assume the position.

"Mmmm," she said. "I see you haven't ever had a scope?" She looked at me accusingly. "No, I haven't." Here we go. I looked at Kris, she was smiling.
"If you had had a scope, we would have a better idea, but this sounds like diverticulitis. You treat it with antiboitics. I don't think we need to do a scope today. I will write a prescription and you should feel better tomorrow. If you don't, you get to the ER it must be something else."

I felt better already. Shannon was a great almost doctor. She came up with something that I could take pills for. Incredible, no scope, no hospital! I'm not going to miss Christmas! Handels Messiah ran through my head, Halleluah, Halleluah, Halleluah. I could feel the organ music.

My first Christmas present and one of the best ever, came from Shannon, worlds best almost doctor! Merry Christmas to me!